Chrysler's new 300C John Varvatos Edition ad

Anybody remember Polocore? That weird little moment in the mid-'90s when a sect of hardcore kids were all decked out in Ralph Lauren finery? What seemed incongruous in '95 was simple, unvarnished fact a dozen years later, when it was announced that former Ralph Lauren designer John Varvatos would open a flagship boutique in the space formerly occupied by CBGB's. Hilly Kristal's old joint was widely considered the ground zero of punk rock, launching the careers of Television, The Ramones and Blondie.

Some say the legacy goes back farther; the Clash's Joe Strummer suggested it began with Boston's Modern Lovers, or perhaps as far back as the Seeds or the Kingsmen. But if the movement's genesis wasn't at CBGB's, the credit generally goes to two bands from Southeast Michigan -- Detroit's MC5 and a little group of ne'er-do-wells from Ann Arbor called the Stooges.

As a kid in 1970s Allen Park, Mich., John Varvatos sucked all that stuff in. That Michigan/Ohio/New York-torqued axis that gave us the Pretenders and the Dead Boys and Devo and later, the Necros and Negative Approach? It was grit abraded with grit. The urbane lowlife sleaze of St. Mark's Place filtered back and forth via the post-'67 no-futurism of the Rust Belt.

Given that Chrysler's been trading on Detroit attitude since they snatched up Eminem and made a Super Bowl ad, the Chrysler 300C John Varvatos edition makes a lot of sense.

It seems churlish at this point, given that CBGB's is over and that Hilly's been dead for over five years, to begrudge Varvatos his stewardship of the space; yes, he's using it to sell clothes a twentysomething Richard Hell couldn't afford. But if Richard Hell were a twentysomething today, he probably wouldn't be hanging out down on the Bowery, anyway. Manhattan's long since been bought.

At least Varvatos knows what 315 Bowery means. Besides, your author, who spent a not-insignificant portion of his youth enduring privation in the name of punk rock, found the use of “Lust For Life” in a Royal Caribbean ad patently hilarious. He also found it amusing that some Sacto yokel in a beat Sentra felt compelled to flip him the bird while he was calmly motoring down a suburban boulevard in a Cayenne diesel. “Lust For Life” popped up on the Porsche's radio just then. 'Twas a tableau of some sort. A perfect tableau.

And it's just as perfect that, under a bright and hollow New York sky, Iggy makes an appearance as Varvatos' passenger. Hello, middle age. Hello, disposable income. Hello, synergies. All of it was made for you and me. 'Cause it just belongs to you and me. Oh, and Sergio Marchionne. But you wouldn't mind if he came along now, would you?

By Davey G. Johnson