One Lap of the Web: Bad gas, bad dogs, and a badass Buick

-- A town in North Dakota has a curious problem: some deranged miscreant has been leaving radioactive waste inside an abandoned gas station; at least 200 bags worth. The gas station is owned by a fugitive who's currently on the run from police, making things even more Fargo-esque in its bizarreness. "It's a pretty big mess," said an official. No word on whether a bit of radioactive material is equivalent to 100 octane. (Alternate zinger: is this what they meant by "put a tiger in your tank?")

-- In 1984, Popular & Performance Car Review (which became known as Muscle Car Review) sought the answer to a simple question: what's the fastest muscle car ever built? So, its editors compiled a list, and hit the dragstrip. A 1966 Shelby 427 Cobra was the fastest muscle car (despite the fact that it's not actually a muscle car), followed by a 1966 Corvette 427 (also not a muscle car). Finally a 1970 Buick GS Stage 1, a "traditional" muscle car, came in third. Hemi fans, naturally, cried foul. Petitions were written, magazine subscriptions cancelled and Prilosec prescriptions refilled. (Eight of the 50 muscle cars were Hemis, but let's not let facts get in the way of genuine outrage.) The editor in chief invited the respective owners of a 1970 Plymouth GTX and a Buick GS to the dragstrip for a gentlemanly duel. The result? The Buick creamed the Hemi. In response, the founder of the GS Club of America cheered, "The stigma of Buicks being purchased solely by the Geritol Generation has finally been shattered!"

-- Graham Haddow stepped into an art gallery and left his dog, an 18-month old boxer named Fern, behind in his car for a bit. An outraged Fern leaned back in the driver's seat, stuck a paw out, and held the horn down for a duration long enough to drive good, sane men to murder. Fifteen minutes and countless shattered eardrums later, the owner came back to a crowd around his car, fearing the worst -- but the dog was fine, if a bit nonplussed. "Usually when Fern sees me she stands up and gets excited with her tail wagging but this time she just gave me a sideways glance and kept on honking the horn." Rumors that the boxer will become a Greyhound bus driver on the Boston-Albany route are as yet unsubstantiated.

-- Meanwhile on Twitter, Autoweek Executive Editor Rory Carroll is going on a tear and posting pictures of his 24 Hours of Lemons racer, a 1987 Lada Signet. Here's the interior. Here is a Hammer and Sickle. Here is another one, this one encased in a lemon. Here's ol' Vlad himself. Here it is, trouncing the competition. (Note the lack of any competition.) Rory's Lada is safely stored in an undisclosed location near the Autoweek offices, where it lies in wait, ready to crush capitalism.

By Blake Z. Rong