Pebble Beach: A weekend of paradise for car guys

Just once before you die (or every year until you die, your choice), you have to go to Monterey for the Big Car Weekend. If you've never been, no words can suffice. If you have been, you don't need any words, and you've packed the Packard and are ready to hit the highway.

The Monterey weekend is everything you love about all the cars you've adored since high school. It's everything your dad loves about all the cars he's loved since high school. And your dad's dad. It's pretty much everything.

And this year, there are more things to do and see than ever before. We've divided them into three categories: things you have to do, places to buy stuff and events to see if you have no money. There's something for everybody, all sprawled out on the level playing field of car enthusiasm. Now, go!

Rolex Monterey Historic Automobile Races, Aug. 14-16, Mazda Raceway Laguna Seca, $50-$350, www.montereyhistoric.com

-- Everybody goes on Saturday, but the Hysterics are open Friday to Sunday, with 450 (or so) of the greatest race cars ever made. This year, the featured marque is Porsche, with 145 cars in the paddock, including four 917Ks.

Concorso Italiano, 9:30 a.m.-5 p.m., Aug. 14, Laguna Seca Golf Ranch, $100, www.concorso.com

-- This year sees the fourth location in five years and promises of returning the event to its former glory (but not all the way back to the glory of the parking lot where it started). The new Concorso debuts at the golf course you see on your left as you drive from Monterey to Laguna Seca. There will be a celebration of 50 years of De Tomaso, 25 years of the Ferrari 288 GTO and a centerpiece display of the three Alfa Romeo B.A.T. concept cars from the 1950s. Plus, lotsa molto bene food at the Concorso Food Court.

La Dolce Vita, 9:30 a.m.-5 p.m., Aug. 14, Black Horse Golf Course, Monterey, $70, www.montereybayconcours.com

-- When the Concorso stumbled last year, La Dolce Vita sought to pick up the flag. The fact that the Concorso seems to have gotten its act together only means that you, the Italian Car Guy, can now go to two events on Friday.

Cars on display will include special tributes to Lancia, Maserati, Alfa and Lamborghini, along with a tribute to De Tomaso's 50th.

Concours d'LeMons, 9 a.m.-4 p.m., Aug. 14, Toro Park, Monterey, $20, www.concoursdlemons.com

-- If you go to only one event this weekend, or if you have only $20, go to the LeMons. As the organizers say, “Concours d'LeMons lowers the tone for the Monterey Weekend. Tired of paying $150 to see 150 identical Ferraris? Concours d'LeMons costs 20 bucks and has 20 Pacers and Pintos.” It's a delightful skewering of all that is pompous and pretentious on the peninsula. Monterey County-mandated warning: No wine, cheese, strawboaters, silicone-augmented cougars or watercolors of prewar Grand Prix races are sold at this venue.

The Quail, a Motorsports Gathering, Aug. 14, Quail Lodge, Carmel, www.quaillodgeevents.com

-- The Quail allows in only 3,000 people. It doesn't matter who you are or what you own, if you didn't get one of the tickets a year in advance, forget about it. If you did, you'll see a great collection of fine race cars and historical cars and be wined and dined without being elbowed out of the way by the usual phalanx of freeloading automotive “journalists.” It'll be just you and 2,999 of your closest rich friends. Among the stuff you won't be able to see this year, unless you bought a ticket, are tributes to the 50th anniversary of Daytona Speedway, the 30th anniversary of BMW's Motorsports division and endurance driver Hans Stuck.

Pebble Beach Concours d'Elegance, 10:30 a.m.-4:30 p.m., Aug. 16, Lodge at Pebble Beach, $150 in advance, $175 day of show, www.pebblebeachconcours.net

-- You can argue marques and makes all day, but there is no better expression of the beauty and elegance of the automobile than the cars you will see every year on the lawn at Pebble Beach. Bentley and Bugatti are the featured marques this year, along with celebrations of the centennials of Audi and Morgan and the style of Zagato. There also will be some particularly good Ferrari and Packard classes. This is the one chance each year when you can wear your strawboater and vertically striped seersucker suit and be considered cool.

AUCTIONS AND PLACES TO BUY STUFF

Pebble Beach RetroAuto, Aug. 14-16, www.pebblebeachconcours.net

-- This event has lots of good stuff for the den or garage. Located uphill from the Lodge, next to the pedestrian entryway for the concours.

Bonhams & Butterfields Sale of Exceptional Motorcars, Aug. 14, Quail Lodge, Carmel, www.bonhams.com

-- B&B takes place across the street from the Quail, a Motorsports Gathering, on Aug. 14. If you can't get into the Quail, you can wander around nearby as if you belong. Cars for auction include a 1939 Auto Union D-Type Grand Prix car and a 1937 Bugatti Type 57SC.

Russo and Steele Monterey, 5 p.m., Aug. 14-15, Marriott Hotel, Monterey, www.russoandsteele.com

-- This is always a fun place to nurse a beer and watch the great cars go over the block. Russo and Steele is known for its muscle cars. A sampling of this year's crop includes a '64 Shelby Cobra, a '69 Camaro Trans-Am car and the '71 Plymouth Hemi 'Cuda. There are always plenty of great classics in the mix, too, such as this year's 1960 Ferrari 250 GT PF Series II Cabriolet. Bring your cougar.

RM Auctions Sports and Classics of Monterey, Aug. 13-15, Portola Hotel, Monterey, $40

-- The three-day sale starts with the highly anticipated Nick Alexander Woody Collection (52 wagons! no reserve! elephant rides for the kids!) and continues for two nights with some nice Ferraris and a few race cars, including a rare Jaguar C-type.

Gooding & Co. Auction, 5 and 6 p.m., Aug. 15-16, $40, www.goodingco.com

-- Located at the Equestrian Center up the hill from the Lodge at Pebble Beach, it's like the Pebble Beach concours, except the cars are all for sale. Look for the Bugatti Type 57 coupe owned by Ettore himself. Phil Hill's 1927 Packard 343 is going over the block, too. Plus, the auctioneer has a British accent!

FREE STUFF

If you can't afford even the Concours d'LeMons, may we suggest:

Mecum at Monterey, 10 a.m., Aug. 15, Hyatt Regency, Monterey

-- You could buy any one of these 200 relatively affordable classic American cruisers, muscle cars, hot rods or sports cars, have a fun ride, and it might not even result in divorce.

Pacific Grove Concours Auto Rally, 1-7 p.m., Aug. 14, Lighthouse Avenue, Pacific Grove, www.pgautorally.org

-- Cars are staged from 1 to 6 p.m., then they head out in line. Featured marque is Triumph.

By Mark Vaughn