Vogon poetry: Mercedes-Benz shows off S63 AMG Coupe

Depending on your taste for the "crown of literature," the above video is either barbaric hokum or sublime wordplay -- image-laden poetry, in AABB rhyming scheme, appealing to car enthusiasts making full use of their expensive English majors.

"Darkness has a companion tonight," reads the passably Vincent Price-ish voice of a poem written exclusively for AMG by a "Betty Stewart," over sounds of the Mercedes-Benz S63 AMG Coupe roaring mellifluously across abandoned runways and through the world's largest parking garage. "Small creatures prick ears and tremble with fright. A sleek velvet phantom is making its way…and though you fight to stay alive, your body starts to shiver, for no mere mortal can resist, the evil of the thriller."

Ah-haha haha!

"They know poetry doesn't have to rhyme, right?" opined Jake Lingeman. (Poet laureates that we are, we had our own questions.)

"'Where would you like to test its sovereign power?' If I buy this car, do I have to pay taxes or comply with U.S. law?" pointed out Rory Carroll. He's got a point. Perhaps Ms. Stewart refers to the fact that the Mercedes-Benz S63 AMG Coupe is large enough to be its own independent nation, with enough firepower to declare war on Lichtenstein.

When did Mercedes-Benz corner the market on cat references? Between the AMG's shouts of "razor-sharp teeth" and "feline musk" (which is surely the brand of kitty litter Elon Musk uses) Volkswagen did it better, frankly. Its 2007 ad featuring the shaky timbre of Richard Burton, reciting Dylan Thomas's "Under Milk Wood," stirs the imagination into a drive through downtown Los Angeles. The Benz ad seems like pure liberal arts copywriting caricature in comparison.

After all, 577 hp speaks pretty well for itself.

By Blake Z. Rong